On Black Friday, my mom's rental car (she had a rental car because I'd been in a wreck in her car) was stolen our of our church's parking lot - in a "good part of town" so the last few days have been nerve-racking and just, plain sad. The boy (or man) didn't just take the car. He took her purse with her glasses, her cell phone, her wallet, her eye glasses, her groceries, her new pair of shoes and sunglasses, her camera, her wedding rings and her Bible that held note from her father, who died a year and a half ago and more. The car's been found and a few of mom's items have been given back to us. It's not just about the "stuff" that was taken. I'd be lying to you if I told you the stuff didn't matter to us at all, because it does. Most of it was either a gift given to my mom, or something she worked hard to provide for herself - that's the "stuff" that matters. But it's more about how broken our world feels when something like this happens. It's about the safety of people we know, who run into the back kitchen of our church all the time - just to drop something off - the same thing my mom did just a few days ago. It's about how we feel a little less safe in our house and around our town knowing what that person took from us. It's about the hurt we feel when we think about the reason this man made this decision and the consequences he'll have to face because of it. Today, I've thought a lot about that person.
It's also a reminder of the people who I've watched "be there" for my mom... and me and my dad... through all of this. The friends who have listened, offered dinner, advice and their hospitality and taken our minds off what's happened for a few minutes at a time. It's about our friends who've made us laugh, to keep my mom from crying. The neighbors/friends we trust enough to hold our spare keys in their home. The friends we can call at any hour. Our pastor who's called to check on us every other day. It's knowing that God was watching and didn't allow my mom to be attacked. It's comforting knowing that our beloved dog, Flip Flop, wasn't in the car - he really is Mom's most-prized possession.
So I'm down. And when Mom and Dad went shopping for a new washing machine (since ours died the other morning #cantcatchabreak) I sarcastically laughed and shook my head when they told me they considered buying a new washer and dryer to give me the older dryer "for when I moved out on my own" because a little bit of me has lost hope in the idea that opportunity will happen soon. Life's hard. This is probably the most difficult year, since my freshman year of college. And feeling it's loneliness and realities of the "real world" make it feel most difficult. I know things will get better. I know there will be brighter, happier days. I know that even when I feel like I've got just a little - I've really got so much more. Trust me, the last 7 months have taught me a lot about being grateful for what I've got. But today and tonight I'm going to be down. I'm going to let myself vent and feel bad for myself. I'm going to struggle. I'm going to be sad, confused, hurt and a little angry. I'm going to be unproductive. And then tomorrow morning, I'm going to pick myself back up off the ground. I'm going to work harder in the office than I did today. I'm going to work out harder than I did last night. I'm going to follow up with previous job opportunities and start looking for more...
Not brushing off the weariness, fear, concern, struggles and questions under the rug. It's okay for me to be struggling through life right now. This is normal. But more than anything, it's important for me to recognize that He is faithful and true. His promises are good. Life is moving forward. It may be unknown. But just like someone once wrote about her husband - she needs to know trust that he'll continue to grow into a man of God - I need to trust that God, himself, will see me through my struggles. This blog post spoke words that I cannot. And I'll say it again, "It'll all make perfect sense one day."
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