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Today {well, tonight} I have been reminded that time is fleeting. It comes and it goes. It's like the Farris Bueller quote: "Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it!" Tonight, the campus ministry I have been involved with since my freshmen year had our Annual {Tacky} Christmas Party and Dirty Santa gift exchange. Two things specifically reminded me of how quickly time passes. The family {Mrs. Shelley}, whose home hosted our party, reminded me that we have known each other for FOUR years. Wow. It seems I was a freshmen yesterday. It's a long road, but the time has come and continues to pass. Also, talking with my friend Meagan I realized another reminder of how fleeting this time of my life is becoming... We remembered the first Christmas Party we attended our freshmen year. And now, tonight was our last. Sooo fleeting it's not even funny! But I have a really great life! This place... Tuscaloosa... it's changed me. It's stretched me. It's been a BLAST. It now holds such a special place in my heart! The beginning of this school year, I found myself saying this is my last collegiate fall sorority recruitment. This is the last time I will spend two weeks of sisterhood week {recruitment practice} with my pledge class. This is my last, first day of undergraduate school. This is the last place I will live as a college student. And that seems like YESTERDAY. Tonight, I'm reminded that this semester is coming to a close. Life's happened over the last few months! I'd forgotten about all these "lasts" until tonight. I mean... I've watched my friends [KATIE and BETHANY] talk about these same things. But it never hit me. I've wanted to live in the moment!! Right now! And I am still. I think it's okay for me to take a step back. It's good that I'm noticing these lasts, as long as I don't let them get me down! Noticing the lasts makes me take Farris Bueller's advice about taking a look around before I miss THIS! My family friend, Mrs. Lynn, was right four years ago when she told me there was so much more to this University... and this college experience... than what's in between the front and back of a textbook! I believed she was right then. I KNOW she was right, now! Fleeting, I tell you!
This past Friday marked another end of an era. My last FOOTBALL SEASON of my college career here at the Capstone! ROLL TIDE! Auburn beat us by ONE point! And that's all I'm going to say about that. It was a bittersweet memory. Such is this life : ) We know my blog lacks in the picture department. I LOVE photography. But you would never know, because I don't take enough pictures! Here's some I stole from Facebook from football seasons over the last four years:
"My friend, let's not think of tomorrow, but let's enjoy this fleeting moment of life." -- Omar Khayyam
Caution: If you're not into listening about heartbreak OR girly {13 year old girl kind of girly} MUSH that's below...check back later. This post isn't for you ; )
That feeling you're feeling... it's guilt. And you know why you're guilty. It's because you know you made him feel... NOT ENOUGH. But you know, being enough isn't the point at all! He should know not being enough isn't it at all. With every ounce of you're being, you're fighting! You're fighting the urge to DO SOMETHING! But you know, it's not your DOING to be done. It's his... and well... you know where he stands. You're blaming him for not riding in on his white horse. But, then again, you know it just wasn't in the cards. Not now anyway. Self, you know DEEP DOWN that he was more than you imagined you deserved... smart, SO attentive! A loving guy with a big, servant's heart. He was the best friend you ever had. And that's hard to let that go. He was SO MUCH MORE to you, too, self. You know it! You also know that this CRAP you're going through.. this hurt... this heartbreak. It's necessary! And it's not all his fault. It's lessons learned. It's growing up. It's love had and love lost. It's plans that are God's and not my own. It's LIFE. It's not him! Self, it's God. God's preparing something different. Maybe it's timing. Maybe it's someone else. Maybe it's him. Maybe it's... maybe it's JUST NOT WHAT YOU BOTH HAD PLANNED. You want out of this! You want to rid yourself of these emotions. But remember what you wished for as a young, naive girl???? You remember asking for heartbreak?? YOU DID! Then you met him. And all of the sudden...you never imagined this would be you. You would never let a boy break your heart. You would never fall that hard. You would never feel this weakness that has taken over you. Never say... never. AND SELF, do you remember why you asked for heartbreak all those years ago? Because you knew, even as a young girl, that heartbreak makes you stronger... wiser... more aware of joy... resilient... it makes you ALIVE. Does all this sound like something from a Taylor Swift song? If it shouldn't be, I don't know what is! Self, you just needed to tell yourself {and maybe him} that it wasn't his fault! He's doing the right thing. You're both doing the right thing. Even when it feels wrong. Even when it hurts. It's going to take time, lots of time. Maybe he didn't do the right things many times. I didn't do all the right things, too! I didn't do the right things... a lot! NO ONE DOES ALL THE RIGHT THINGS! I'm tired of talking about FAULT! Blame life. Blame God's plan. Self: STOP blaming YOURSELF and HIM. Self, remember this always! Remember that this life is SO MUCH BIGGER than you... you serve a BIG GOD. And just because things didn't turn out as planned doesn't mean it's someones fault! Self, enjoy LIFE! Enjoy LAUGHTER. Enjoy FRIENDSHIPS. Work HARD. Be a GO-GETTER. Never give up on LOVE because of heartbreak! That's not what heartbreak's meant for, and self, you KNOW that! LET GO of the guilt! Because you just said everything that you had left to say... for now, anyway.
I'm thankful for...
friendships. happiness. family. growth. heartbreak. laughter. love. learned lessons. an amazing life. God's grace. the opportunity to get an education. talking about life with sorority sisters until after 3 a.m. the grace of humanity. supportive, gracious parents. questions. forgiveness. my dog. Faith. a BLESSED life. the outdoors. the people who have raised me, encouraged me, grounded me and taught me how to fly. seeing John Mayer in concert on a whim. my big, giving heart. my passion for people. my passion for community. my determination. good health. warm weather. cool water. clean water. sunshine. warm, cozy blankets. books that i find myself getting lost in. God's love and Jesus' sacrifices. past relationships. happy memories. the hard times making the good into great. inspiration. the little things people say that warm my heart, or make me feel capable and encouraged. gerber daisies. unconditional love. Montreat. experiences. having older role models to listen and understand. the vastness of the ocean. the little victories. my home church. my sorority. a world to be explored.
... And there's SO MUCH MORE to be thankful for!
