Note to Self:

You're not responsible for EVERYTHING you think you are-- grasp the concept ALREADY. There should be no doubt in your mind that it's normal to fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, after losing the dating relationship with the person with whom all those plans you made. Remember, God's got better ones! It's okay to forgive yourself! It would actually benefit you a lot, but let's be real...YOU'RE STUBBORN. You should never apologize for your stubbornness, never! No matter how hard it is, self, you've got to realize that the one girl you wish would reach out to you, she's probably not going to though. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her! Grasp that, too! And self, you're going to be okay. REALLY! See how far you've come? See how you can pick yourself up off the floor now? See, self, if you let it... time can heal wounds! See how your relationship with God is growing? And self, it's okay if there's so much school work going on that you can't breathe. That's normal, sorta. But seriously, breathe!  And you know that feeling? The one that makes you think all the plans you have made the past five years are materialistic, stupid, unattainable now? Well, the majority of them, are exactly what you still want! While they may sound materialistic, they're not, really. You just want an amazing husband. And children. And a boat to spend the weekends on the water with the family you have and created. That's not materialistic. Those are your most precious desires. And I, self, would like to think God cares enough. I know He does. Because He also knows... that even though I have not proved it, yet, I believe wholeheartedly I have what it takes to face how much blood, sweat, tears, arguments, LOVE, happiness,  commitment, sacrifices, hope, assurance of God, patience, hard work, discipline, and Faith to get there. That's not stupid. And, self, while you're probably going to rationalize the HELL out of this...  you really should do something fun, exciting and even thrilling after college, and yes with a paycheck too! YOU should travel because you know that's all you've ever wanted to do! So self, stop talking and actually DO something about it. Work up the courage. Self, May 7th 2011 is a lot closer than you think. It's also far enough away, so don't lose your cool... just yet! If I could tell you ONE thing it would be, it's all okay. Stop worrying about the future, the past. Let go! Let go of the things that tie you down. Let go of tying yourself down. Stop! Remember, life's a process and every time you think it's the greatest thing, there's going to be something else. And when you think it's the worst, there's something good... there's always good! Surround yourself with friends, good ones. Work hard, tirelessly until you've finished that paper, project, test, or hurdle. And, self, when you don't meet up to your expectations, because you won't! And when others don't live up to your expectations, because they won't... remember, there's GRACE... in everything!

Laughter

I've thought a lot about God having the last laugh, lately! I'm pretty sure I have a daily battle with the idea of my plans vs. God's plans. It's getting pretty repetitious. It wears me out! But here I am. Looking on the bright side, just waiting. Hey God. Hey life. Hey future. I will be here waiting! Don't... you... worry... about... it! No big deal. Whatever!

Of course, I happened to find something in the Bible relevant to this subject. It's talking about Sarah. And I feel a lot like Sarah, right now! My reasons for laughing and failing to laugh are completely different, but it's six and one-half dozen of another! Here's why:

Sarah laughs. Because she is amazed at what God has done.

Sarah fails to laugh. Because she cannot live with her mistake.

Sarah laughs. Because she is overjoyed at the birth of a child.

Sarah fails to laugh. Because she orders another one to death.

Sarah laughs. Because she has finally provided for her husband.

Sarah fails to laugh. Because she divides her husband’s family.

I laugh because I'm amazed at what God is teaching me.

I fail to laugh because I feel defeated/cheated.

I laugh because I am growing closer to God.

I fail to laugh because going through trials are tough, so tough.

Thankfully, God's all about the last laugh. And His word is delivered with perfect timing, although it's not my perfect timing. Just as it was to Sarah despite her impatience. Just as it was to Adam and Eve despite their sin. Thanks a lot! {Sarcasm!} But God’s story is too important for us not to laugh along. He tells us,“Do not be afraid for God has heard your voice right where you are!” And where I am is alright. Because there's not one single day that goes by when I do not laugh. Not one. I think He has a hand in that, too! 

In a Nutshell

From the movie Sweet Home Alabama:

"What is it with you Southern girls? You can't make the right decision until you've tried all the wrong ones!"

Let's see: clothes, men, hairstyles, shoes, life decisions, majors/careers... just about anything!










Today, I've had a very Southern girl kind-of-day! The kind of day where I wonder if I will ever find what it is I am looking for! The kind of day when I look at photography websites of engagement pictures, weddings and all things related to love. I begin to feel like a child, as he/she watches his/her bright red balloon float farther and farther away into the sky. My own dreams slip through my fingers, just like those red balloons. 

As I snap myself back into reality, I am reminded of the best plan. God's plan. His plan is more concrete, more perfect, more timely, more special, more wonderful, more planned out. I must wait. I need to stop worrying, wishing, planning the questions of who and when and where and how! I must wait, still. In the meantime,  I will laugh with my friends. I will laugh at myself, and enjoy the time I have where I have it.

See just like a Southern girl, got to go through all my plans to acknowledge His perfect plan.

Reflections

I want my blog to always be a reflection of who I am, what I’m about, and what I do and do not want to be. I want to be honest to myself and to the ZERO that read this blog : )I’ve though alot about my actions lately. Here are my do’s and don’ts:

• I dont want to be an overall “unhappy” person.
• I dont want to yell at people I am NOT angry toward.
• I dont want to slam cabinets and doors to show my anger, but communicate it.
• I dont want to make anyone fell that growing up is easy. It is not.
• I dont want to judge. I try my hardest not to.
• I dont want to view the glass half-empty. Ever.
• I dont want to hold grudges.
• I dont want to say things out of anger. I want to hold my tounge, but speak my mind.
• I dont want to rely on worldy things and aspirations.
• I dont want to regret.
• I dont want to yell in anger. But Im guilty of this, often.
• I dont want to make those around me feel guilty. I want to be kind and loving and most of all, supportive.

I dont want to have a temper, but I do. It takes work and self-control to supress a fiery temper. Thankfully, God is always changing to become the person that I DO really, really, really want to be as long as I let Him.