Worth Fighting For

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about being single. Not in a feeling-sorry-for-myself kind of thinking about being single. But a few weeks ago, I read this post by Ally Spotts where she said,

"The reality is that I’m broken. I’m not as put-together as I act like I am. I have all kinds of flaws and fears and failures that I didn’t even realize. And letting someone see the darkest parts of me means that I see them too. Some of them I’ve been ignoring for a really long time."

She's talking about being single and then being in a relationship again has caused her to notice her flaws and darkest parts. For me, it's the opposite.  Over the last 6 months, I've neglected working on myself because no one's been there to keep me accountable. When you're dating someone, they're often your mirror. They show you your reflection - the good, the bad, the ugly. Before and when I ended my relationship, I started neglecting my struggles and his struggles. I was being selfish. I took the easy way out. Now, this has not been easy by any means but I didn't look past right then, for the first time in my life. I've learned a lot of things, too, don't get me wrong. I've learned to be more kind and more understanding. I've learned to "let go" when I would've held on. I've learned be slow to anger and slow to speak. But in so many other ways, I catch myself not actively working on things in my life. Truthfully, I miss that mirror. And if I'm being completely honest with everyone including myself, I need to stop ignoring those things about myself because they matter now and they're going to matter in the future! I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I am where I'm supposed to be right now. It's hard. It's not what I wished for. But it's about His plan, not my own. So, starting today, I want to hold myself accountable again. I want to start working on myself again, start listening to my heart again, start setting up rules and dreams I want to accomplish again and start believing that I'm worth fighting for again.