i will

i've got a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head. but communicating them isn't so easy. life's getting good again. i'm starting to feel like myself :) again. life is not easy. i'm still not in the place i'd like to be right now. at times, i still feel frustrated, defeated, sad and transitioning through this time in my life. it's taking much longer than i ever expected. so my patience is being tested. tonight i made a pact to myself: pray continuously for a job. that's weighing most heavily on my heart. whatever it is, i'll go. but it must be something i love.

i will work harder. i will stand up for what i believe in. i will go above and beyond. i will be more intentional with my time. i will not give up job searching. i will put the computer down and pick up a book. i will go to bed earlier. i will make the choice to remain positive and move forward. i will not forget about how far i've come, but i'll continue to keep pushing to move forward. i will make a decision that i believe in and stick to it. i will consider what's really important and what's really not. i will stop trying to predict the future. i will realize predicting the future is impossible. i will stop being angry that what i have planned isn't happening, because it's not about me - it's not in my control. i will do those crunches and lunges i've been putting off. i will not push too much, whats the hurry anyway?! i will work hard to let the person i am shine through in all that i do - i'll work hard to be the kind of person i want to be known as. i will let go of the past. i will let go of what i cannot control. i will let go of what i cannot control. i will let go of what i cannot control. i will let go of what i cannot control. i will let go of what i cannot control. i will admit that i am naive and unprepared, but i'll make a pact to learn the most i can from as many people as i can. i will focus on the sweet and not so much on the bitter. i will work hard to let go of the list. the one that says my future husband will be a tall, brown headed, blue eyed, hardworking, Southern, family man who loves the outdoors, fishing, golfing, hunting and me. i've always had an {idea} of the kind of man i wanted in my life. from an early age, i'd settle for nothing less. but no man's ever lived up to what's on pen and paper. even the best guys we're never enough for me, because he [whoever he was] never met all of my criteria. not even my amazing daddy. and now you all know why i'm single. and so i'm going to get rid of the list... one day. i will keep on keepin' on.