connecting the dots

i've got a lot of random thoughts in my head tonight, so i'm just going to start typing and we'll see where this blog ends up.
first things first, i was blog surfing last night and came across a blog where a father and mother are trying to teach their young boys some very realistic lessons. harsh? maybe just a little. but sometimes, we all need a little dose of reality. sometimes it's better to be reminded that there's Someone so much bigger than us - and many things that are bigger than us.  

here are the lessons: life is hard... life is not about you.... you are not as important as you think you are - for the reasons you think you are... you are not in control... you are going to die.

i don't know about you, but sometimes i need a little dose of reality. i need to be put into my place. to be challenged. right now isn't what i had planned. but the harsh and needs-to-be-said reality is... letting of my old plans and what was... is the only way to move forward. and for the first time in a very long time i'm ready for that - im ready to move forward. and i'm taking the steps to do so. this time in my life isn't all about me. while i'm anxious about the future and im stressing over finding my first job and finding it REALLY, VERY soon. i'm finding that life's good, so good when you look at it right.

and all this has me thinking about steve jobs statements on death - but most importantly -his statement on how to LIVE our lives.

because almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure— these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important... you are already naked ... sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

but my favorite statements from him about about our present and our future.

of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward... but it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later. again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. you have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. this approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

im not a huge "apple person" i dont own a mac laptop. i rarely use my ipod. and i never really knew who steve jobs was before, like, the last year. but that statement he made... the one about connecting the dots... is... well... it's our lives.
 job searching is wearing me out. i don't know who reads my blog, but you've got some job searching technique - some advice i've yet to discover? i'd love to hear it. yall... i'm just worn down. it's not an easy time to find a job, i know. but they're out there. i know it. and i can't wait to get one! lately God and i have been talking a lot about the whole "job thing" and i've really been searching some different avenues recently. for the right job and a place i can find community, i'll go. if He sends me there, i'll go. or maybe he wants me to stay. i don't know. i'll worry about connecting the dots later. my gut and my heart tell me it's not going to be easy, but its time to find a life of my own. so we'll see...

here's what i believe about love. love isn't easy, it's hard - being compassionate is hard. love is usually selfless. tough love is real love. love doesn't run. love doesn't hide. when you love someone, you fight for them. you're on the same team. love is a whole lot more about what we give, rather than what we get. love doesn't backdown from a fight. love is contentment. and being smart about love? that means knowing that only one person could never, ever provide you with contentment. love is a choice. love is patient. love is kind. love rejoices in the truth. love hopes. love perserveres. faith, hope and love. the greatest of these is love.

no more cennecting the dots. they'll never make sense now anyway. only time will tell.