bittersweet: the book {part 1}

I've read an incredibly powerful book. And I've taken the time to go back through all of my notes, which are many, to grab the lessons I want to remember most. There is nothing more beautiful than the raw, beautiful stories of life. This author, Shauna Niequest, believes in the same thing too. Her story is a lot like mine. She thought she'd finish this book and start celebrating. But life's still bittersweet for her too. It's bittersweet for all of us! Yet, the way she handles life's changes with more grace, faith and wisdom than she realizes. It's beautiful. And there's a lot to learn from her. Here goes...

Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful. That there is a sliver of light on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness.... Bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces and the calluses on our hands. Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuancesd, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, earthy. - Shauna Niequest

You know how you try to resist the ocean's waves and you fall down? Life's a lot like that. "If you trust the water and let it carry you, there's nothing sweeter." And I'm learning that - when I take the change to stop and think about how God's got ALL OF THIS IN HIS CONTROL, there's so much peace in giving all my questions, fears and entire Life to Him. But really? I've been resisting the changes. Because I don't trust Him to not mess up my life! Really!? Did I just say that? But it's, oh, so true. That's my fear.

This is what I've come to believe about change: it's good, in the way that... heartbreak is good, and failure is good.  By that I mean it's incredibly painful, EXPONENTIALLY MORE SO IF YOU FIGHT IT, and also that it has the potential to open you up, to open life up, TO DELIVER YOU RIGHT INTO THE PALM OF GOD'S HAND, WHICH IS WHERE YOU WANTED TO BE ALL ALONG, EXCEPT YOU WERE TOO BUSY PUSHING AND PULLING YOUR LIFE INTO EXACTLY WHAT YOU THOUGHT IT SHOULD BE... when life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow. - Shauna Niequest

But you know what I've realized? Most of this year I've been talking about how hard it's been. I've talked about the slivers of hope, the learned lessons, personal growth and the strengthened friendships.

But most of this year has been about how I've failed to LIVE the my best story!

It's been about how I've lost Faith in God's plan for my life. It's been about whining, self-indulgence and fear. It's been about my messed up timeline and my desire for answers, plans and roadmap. If you really want to get to the heart of the matter, that's it. And that's not the whole story! It's not even half
of it. It shouldn't be the whole story, not anymore anyway.

Imagine if I'd start taking what this book's taught me and start living it? The whole story. Stop "cold turkey" and start focusing on moving forward!? Then, I might start living the WHOLE STORY. The one where I trust God, move forward and don't give up on embracing what's a head of me, knowing there are so many things ahead of me.

And before I know it, this will just be a SEASON. That's it.

A season that's come and gone...