An "Ah-Ha!" Moment

This post by Tiny Twig, feels like an answer to many questions and even more prayers.

She explained criticism to me in a way I've never though of before. Criticism isn't anything new to me. In fact, it's something I've struggled long and hard with... a constant battle. And really, something I've never been able to communicate or understand- especially about myself. Criticism, for me, is preconceived ideas about one thing or another. Maybe what should happen. Maybe what someone should do. Or, maybe how someone should react. Or... maybe what someone should say in a certain situation. Or, well, the list could probably go on for...well... a long damn time.

But honestly, that's neither here or there...The important part, for me, is that I've got a slight grasp on something I've really struggled with. While I haven't found the best ways to change this flaw of mine, I feel like I now have an understanding as to why I'm.... well... critical.
Of myself. Of others. And of life.

It's not an easy thing to admit. At all. It's an idea of expectations. And well, sometimes. Not all the time. But sometimes when those ideas aren't met I get aggravated, frustrated and often hold others accountable for ...sometimes... stupid (really stupid) things. And what I'm most regretful to admit is that it often affect how I view a perfectly amazing person. It's not that I'm not an accepting person. It's not that I expect perfection. It's just one of those things that comes along with my personality type.,,
I am introspective and analytical. And I have an opinion about everything.

Let me make this clear, I'm not a negative person. Or at least I've never, ever seen myself as such. I'm not the type of person that walks around as if everything is perfect either. But I have a generally positive outlook on life. And I don't believe these critiques make me "snobby" either. What I believe it does, is show me what I do and don't like. Not to mention that I weigh the pros and cons, and think about everything. Good or bad. Worthy or not worthy. Are people's words or actions appropriate vs. silly vs. inappropriate vs. acceptable vs. reasonable?
In short, I assign weight to everything.

... And I'll be the first to admit that this shows my pride, my flaws.

It wears me out, really. It's exhausting for me. And for the people who've actually been a target of my verbal criticism, I'm 100% positive that it's exhausting and frustrating for them too. It's not something I like about myself. It's clearly something I want to work on, which I believe is positive. See, I'm not (I hope) a negative person. And I don't go around telling everyone about my critiques. In fact, I'm often critical about how outwardly critical others are when it comes to they way they see people and whatever's going on... figures...

So here's to trying to not overthink or overanalyze everything in life, especially the small things...