Can I Tell You?

It's my first day back to real life. I thought yesterday was it. I thought driving into Tuscaloosa city limits would make life real, but it didn't. It felt like it, but today, it's real life. You know what makes LIFE real? Let me tell you. It's seeing how fast time flies, how short the days are as there's more to do than there are hours.

 

I didn't start this blog to be happy all the time, to advertise my heartbreak last fall or to go along with what everyone else was doing. I started this because I love blogging! I love everything about comments, reading about life, gaining advice, sharing and putting myself into the creative, thought-provoking, heart-felt shoes of fellow bloggers.

 

I didn't start it to even THINK that others would care to read what I have to say. 

 
 
I LOVE that other people care about what I have to say, comment and enjoy the tid-bits of clothes, pictures or daily life. That's awesome, that's great. It makes me soooooooo very happy! Really, really, really. It brightens my day to see a post or a new follower. I started this blog to share my heart, my life, my favorite things and the things I struggle with as a 20-something year old girl trying to find her place, her loves, her career, her future, her present and make sense of her past, which makes her who and whose she is; as I try to make sense of the complex, yet, simple and ALWAYS blessed life I've been given.

 

This blog is for me. To share my heart. All of it. 

 

Today, life seems truly real for me. On Wednesday, I will purchase my cap and gown. Today, I am going to make sure everything is settled for me to graduate. I have errands to run, bills to pay, Birthday gifts to buy, group meetings to attend, emails to respond to and job opportunities to chase after. My day is full and I have an hour left at work before I'm running around this campus, around this college town I have grown to love more than I ever imagined. It's Spring. Spring has sprung. The evidence is all around me. It's exciting! So excited! But let me tell you how I feel... 

 


I don't want to leave my friends. I don't want to miss their faces, their quirks, their company.  

I don't know where I'm going and it scares me, more than I've told one, single human-being!

I teeter between the phrases "It will all work out!" and "Oh no! What's going to happen?" 

I want time to stop, stand still or reverse. I'd do it all over again. Maybe differently, maybe the same. But these are some of the best years of my life.

 

I'm thinking about my sweet, best friend, Amy, at her grandmother's funeral because that's what friends do. My heart aches. 

I'm feeling trapped and unsure, but I'm unbelievably EXCITED at the same time. I don't feel like I have enough time left. 

I'm over school, but I'm NOT ready to leave this place, these people, those organizations. 

My heart is light. And heavy. And excited. And a mix of emotions tied up into confusion. So, I will take things as they come. I will feel every emotion, savor it. It makes me alive. It makes me human.