Buttons

Confession: I have a temper. Or should I say, I have a quick fuse. Extending patience and love for those around me is something I am ...always... working toward. I fall down and get frustrated a lot when it comes to patience! I work very, very hard to attempt handling situations with the kind of attitude Max Lucado talks about:

"Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself."

I call these struggles pushing buttons. Believe me, I can blow a fuse real quick-like! And  in those certain situations, I often believe someone is doing or saying those things in SPITE of me. It's all about me, right?! So wrong. But this morning, a sermon by a fellow student convicted me. It reinforced all the work I've been striving toward. To love and serve others without one, single expectation. This ain't easy for a girl with standards.

I've spent most of my day talking myself out of many campus ministry and other commitments because I feel like my plate is too full. And it's certainly full. But I've been trying to run away from commitments for a few weeks now. To give my time and myself to work and with and love others, well, it's been on the back burner. Honestly,  it's a really scary time in my life when it comes to commitment. Seriously. I want to be able to go, be and do. But that's not real life.

Because I'm ignoring the places where I am called.

I am called to love and give patience to those around me DESPITE the rewards, appreciation or acceptance from anyone or any thing. I am called to continue. For a girl with some high expectations for others, I seldom fulfill my own expectations. To love and accept neighbors in Puerto Rico, Africa or Japan, who I have never met or do for a short length of time, is much easier (and convenient) than showing love and patience to those around me. Like my roommate who I care about but does not respect my things and does not clean up her own. God calls me to love. Like the guy in my PR Management group who isn't as detail oriented as myself. God call me to love. Or the people who seem to say or do the right things to strike a pet peeve of mine. God calls me to love. Someone once wrote 'thank you for loving me when I have been hard to love' and I thought it was such a bold, pitiful statement.  

But, really, I get it now. Love, acceptance and patience is hard. 
Not because of the PERSON, but because of our own selves.

I'm so wrong about many things. I am unsure of my steps and my path. I don't always love as I should. My patience wears thin. I ignore searching for a solution, and become more and more angry with the problems. I am called and I stand still. I fail. But God reminds me to show my flaws so He may work through them. Help me with those buttons.