On Marriage

Got your attention, huh? No, this post is not about me; not specifically, anyway. But I have had something on my mind. A lot. It’s driving me crazy. I like it! It interests me.  It may not interest anyone else, that’s okay. Considering that you– James, and Nathan occasionally. My mother, I believe once…. are my only ‘followers’ I write this lovely little blog I have here, for me. Mostly because so few visit EmbraceIt. It’s okay. I like it this way. ANYHOW…. Here’s the deal: I read blogs. Yes, I’m Captain Obvious. Many of the blogs that I read are Mom’s with husbands and children and social lives and laundry and husbands who are in residency (Bless Their Hearts) and the list goes on and on and on. They talk about their day-to-day lives much like I talk about my own. They discuss the activities with their kids. They  discuss God and their relationship with Him and the lessons learned. I get SO much out of them. It makes me happy. But the one thing that melts my heart, gets me thinking, encourages and makes me aspire— is when they talk about the fact that they have built this life because they LOVE their husbands. You’re probably thinking, duh!!!!!! But really. These women discuss the hard times, and occasionally the small nit-picky things: Making decisions about parenting, “Mesh-ing” with each other, Getting over the differences with his family …and her family. And quirks, the annoying ones that they thought were cute– when they were dating.

This reminds me of another blog Mom who wrote:

"You hear wives make comments like, “we just aren’t connecting,” or “something is missing.” Usually these comments are followed by dumbfounded husbands who don’t have any clue what that something is and don’t understand why they can’t ever do anything right by their wives. Chances are that even if your wife/girlfriend has never made one of the above statements, she probably has suggested a romantic dinner or a weekend getaway for two, because she is on a quest to feel that connection. Someone expressed this dichotomy by saying she believes that God has given women the ability to feel the pulse of a relationship in a way that men can’t, and I think she is right. When that pulse is strong, we are happy and thriving, but when it is weak it echoes in our heart and begs us to nurse it back to health."

Their love is evident. It’s powerful. It’s real. It’s an incredible example.

From this I have learned so much, having a ‘long-term relationship’ and all! Anyway, corny-ness aside. Most of the time all we hear, as a society, is about divorce. Nathan’s parents are divorced, my grandparents were divorced, and so are many of our friends parents. It’s common. We hear about relationship troubles, and trust issues, and cheating, and giving it up, and the people who fell out of love *whatever that means*, and the people who couldnt make it work, and addictions, and the people who weren’t willing to sacrifice,  and the people who were too focused on work to attend activities with thier spose and childre, and that life just got the best of them, and the marriages that ended because one or the other, or both were just plain stubborn! We hear about women complaining about their husbands, and husbands who do not help around the house. The women who wanted to ‘search’ for something, whatever that might be. And the men, who lets face it, wanted younger and prettier and… we all know the stories. And maybe, just maybe… that was as overwhelming to you, as it is to me! Me who sits here and thinks in a year and a half… Where will I be? Who will I be with? Please don’t tell me, if it’s someone else! Will I have a job? Life and relationships and dreams and aspirations are feeling much like a stampede of elephants. Luckily, I like elephants. But not the ones that would me charging at me. Bad example? Maybe?Yes? No? Kind of/sort of?

I’m no expert. Maybe I don’t have the ‘authority’ to think on issues like these; however, this is my blog and I can have ‘authority’ if I want it. And here’s what I think. I think those marriages fail BECAUSE husbands and wives forget about “love language’ and MOST OF ALL… Communication!

It’s important, I have learned. It’s inspiring for me to see what these women have to say, and to see their husbands WANT their marriage and fight for it, daily. Much like I have a boy, an imperfect boy, fight for imperfect me… perfectly. It’s inspiring and touching. Andddddd I DONT think that it could or would or should be done without the One who comes FIRST in the marriages I read about. You know who I’m talking about. God. These women discuss that God did not make these individuals perfect, but they believe that He made them perfect for each other. Sappy. I knowwwww. But true. So stinkin’ true. Not that I have not witnessed these marriages throughout my life. I have. But not in this way. Another blog says:

"He is a man of his word who loves me in a way I never knew was possible. He makes sure to hug me in front of the children and say, “I sure do love your Mommy.” It seems like such a little thing, but I hope it leaves an impression on my children’s hearts about how honor and respect look in a marriage.”

I read that.

I melted.

Still here, still melting. BECAUSE IT IS NOT A FAIRYTALE. It’s not impossible…  It’s REALITY.