hope floats

"Leigh," the voice on the other line said exasperatedly."Just stop being Leigh. Stop thinking so much, for one second. Stop over-analyzing every little thing. Just go with it." 


I wanted to say something quick-witted. I had a comeback on the tip of my tongue. 


But all I could muster we're these words: "I just don't know how. It's not me. I over analyze. I'm scared to make the wrong choice. I'm scared of making a mistake."


I felt the truth hit me like bricks. And it lingered. 


Over-thinking, over-analyzing and going over the past again and again is the only way I can keep my mind busy enough to ignore the root of everything that's really, truly weighing on my heart. Fear and uncertainty. Of not succeeding. Of how my past will affect my future. Of how I'm scared my future won't meet my own expectations. Of how I fear becoming complacent, static. 


This year has been one full of change, loss. I WANT life to move forward. Nothing would make my happier. Still, it's hard. Endings ARE sad. I guess Sandra Bullock, Birdee, was right in Hope Floats when she said: "Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts." 


Trust is hard, but it's worth the risk. Persistence is necessary.  Letting go is the best way to move forward toward a new beginning. 


"When you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.”